Friday, June 02, 2006

No Pain, No Gain

The cramp that I caught intensified and I instinctively knew that it wasn't just any other cramp. I cursed mentally, steeling myself for what was to come. I had been feeling minor pains for a while but was hoping that it wouldn't get worse.

Yep, it was my sickle cell acting up. I didn't say anything to Danny, just got some water and popped a pain pill to deter any pain. He noticed though. "What wrong?" he asked and I tried to make a light of it. But he could tell that my leg was killing me, the pain intensifying with every second.

"What can I do baby?" he asked with a concerned look on his face. I knew that he was thinking it was all his fault and I quickly disabused him of that notion. "It's not your fault, it just happened, ok?"

"I hate seeing you in pain," he groused as he started massaging my aching limb. He didn't press hard, just a light touch, so it wasn't making it worse. I enjoyed the motions and tried to block the pain from my mind to no avail. "It's ok sweetie, it's just pain. It's a way of life, at least for me," I said philosophically. I turned away from him, knowing that it was going to get worse and I didn't want him seeing me like this.

He spooned me, being careful with my aching leg and cradled me in his arms. The pain started spreading as I feared it would, a searing volcano that almost took my breath away. We lay there forever, me taking harsh breaths trying not to cry and him murmuring soft words in my ear. "It's going to be ok," he said as he rubbed my arm.

I knew it was going to get worse before it got better but I didn't say anything, just kept looking at the clock. It takes a minimum of 30 minutes for the meds to kick in and it's just been 15. Great.

It's in moments like this that I wish that I had a permanent IV and some good drugs at hand. Oh well. I braced myself for the next onslaught as the pain spread to my back, my chest and my head. I could barely move and I felt every single cell in my body was hurting. I couldn't contain the stream of tears that slid down my cheeks but I tried to be as quiet as possible.

"Oh God," he said as he knew I was crying. He wiped my tears with his palms and I could tell that he was hurting emotionally as well. He prayed for me then, in Hebrew, something nice and beautiful. After that he pressured me to take more pills and I did, even though I knew that it probably wouldn't work fast enough.

I bore the rest as stoically as I could, knowing that if I broke down my baby would hurt emotionally worse than I do physically. Finally, the pain started easing as the first bout of meds started taking effect. He noticed the relaxing of my body and heaved a sigh of relief. He didn't say anything, just kept rubbing my shoulder. The soothing motion and the pills kickin in finally made me fall asleep.

He's actually the only guy I have ever come across that can handle a sickle cell exacerbation without running fleeing in the other direction as fast as his legs can carry him. I mean, he could have been like my ex and just fallen asleep, figuring that there was nothing he could do. But he stayed with me. Awake, and waiting the storm with me. What's not to love?
posted by Platinum Pussy @ 2:57 AM   : : 2 dirty thoughts

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